It’s vulnerable to be happy. It’s naked and raw sometimes. It’s not easy to choose beauty and love day after day. The world does not provide a lot of support for this. I think that being happy, having joy is a much deeper experience than people think, and that there’s a lot to be learned in it.
People believe we only learn from pain.
We learn from everything.
~ Nancy Peacock
Cottonwoods in Fall. Nothing like them.
I extended an extended trip today. My husband wasn’t happy about it, at all. I tried to explain I needed this extra time of rejuvenation, pleasure, and work all mixed into a stew that feeds me, in a place that’s always been home. That I feel a sense of space and time just mine, dissolve into a balance I’d lost. That I’m rebuilding myself from the inside out. Because days here fill effortlessly with connection, surprises and delight, good memories as in doing something I haven’t done in a long time. All so abundant it’s like being in the middle of a school of colorful fish. That without going anywhere, plump birds hop on the back porch, a flicker flies to the window, taps on the glass, twice, right after I open the blinds. Two big-racked mule deer walk through the front yard, majestic and absolutely huge. That when I look up from the kitchen sink, a spectacular hawk on the shepherd’s hook holding the bird feeders makes me think I’m truly in conversation with the Universe. That perhaps the ‘sparkly happy’ for no particular reason I feel at times in my Florida life are simply reminders this sort of fullness is possible. Argue we must bloom where we’re planted. I’ll agree sometimes that’s true. And sometimes, when we have a choice, we must go where we regenerate.
I used to write in a circle every Thursday afternoon. Two hours each week I walked through a door, turned off the stresses and stuff gobbling my life. At times so exhausted I’d nod off. Always amazed me how some of my best writing showed up when I felt so down. I was positive it rose from my pain. After reading Nancy’s comment, I’m sure it rose from the ‘happy’ I felt sitting in circle, writing, claiming my time. Because when we’re happy our hearts expand and our minds awaken. Our tunnel vision dissolves so we see more, imagine more, allow more. We open up, experience more deeply. Dive where the true stories are.
I claimed this time in Santa Fe because I needed to. I know my husband was disappointed. But when I leave here, I’ll have more to give back. It will surely be worth it. Think of it as a mental hospital, I told him, where I get work done, too.
Tell me. . .how many ways do you reclaim your time, your happy, yourself?
I cannot pretend I am without fear. But my predominant feeling is one of gratitude.
I have loved and been loved; I have been given much and I have given something in return; I have read and traveled and thought and written. I have had
an intercourse with the world, the special intercourse of writers and readers.
Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal, on this beautiful planet. . .
~ Oliver Sacks
Another small journey. Getting to Wise.
A Writer’s Life
A favorite: Driving through broad expanses of uninhabited landscapes. Like in NM.
A secret: This extension took courage.