In the darkness of the moon, in flying snow, in the dead of winter,
war spreading, families dying, the world in danger,
I walk the rocky hillside, sowing clover.
~ Wendell Berry
I considered no blog today. I got caught yesterday in between here this minute and what I want. It messes with me. My mind acts like a kitten, distracted by what rolls through. It can feel an awful lot like stuck. Sometimes like biting nails, the metal kind. Even knowing what I do, having read the books, watched the shows. . .Be Here Now. Gratitude. Breathe. Transform limiting thoughts. Focus on what you want. Change your mind, change your life. Let thoughts drift, like clouds. This moment is not forever. et al
This morning I see how often a good twin shows up with bad stuff. A long awaited email saying the job my husband wants is finally in planning, in motion, a twin for the surprise $1800 dental bill that followed the $3500 to move and $1100 root canal. A $20 discount with the exterminator covering the $20 dinner bill I thought already paid. I see my whole year has been speckled with gifts next to challenges. The sweltering tropic summer I wanted to escape, and the magic of seeing a rocket launch glow like a strange bubble of light with a fat tail in the black dawn sky. That moment’s thrill and excited fear I witnessed an alien entry. The brain cramps condensing a 90,000 word multi-layered novel into a compelling one page synopsis, and the triumph of success. The annoyance of writing a complete CV, and the surprise satisfaction in four pages of writing classes, conferences, retreats, and workshops I’ve participated in. The longing for travel while grounded at home, and the morning I saw the entire dome of the sky turn into the inside of an oyster shell, stood in awe at the splendored everyday sight of a mollusk. Leading me to answer a question I’ve held for decades, a gift my father gave me as he was dying.
Just before bed last night I read The Fir Tree by Hans Christian Andersen in Parabola Magazine. This little tree wanted so mightily to grow up, experience what other trees he saw experience, that he couldn’t appreciate his own beauty or the gifts of life around him. And as I flossed last night at midnight, long past time for answers from a dentist, a piece of my problem tooth broke off. And I got it. Let go. Shift focus. Remember silver linings. Sow clover, gratitude and compassion.
This morning the dentist said don’t panic.
What visits by the twins, gifts and challenges, have you had?
Another small journey. Getting to Wise.
A Writer’s Life.
A secret: My mouth is really small in dentist terms.
A favorite: The awe in Life.
Photo: painting by Tebbe Davis